How I buy stuff online

September 13, 2024

1. Become a pseudo expert in that category

• Spend ungodly hours watching YouTube videos
• Devour Reddit threads like they're my last meal
• Scour the internet to find THE authority on [insert trivial product]
• Convince myself I now know more than actual experts (I don't)

2. Ascertain budget (aka negotiate with myself)

• Realize the "decent" stuff costs way more than expected
• Engage in heated internal debates:
  • What's "necessary" vs. "justified" vs. "nice-to-have"
  • Try to optimize for value... end up justifying premium features
• Consider eating ramen for a month to afford it

3. Check price (again and again)

• Obsessively refresh price comparison sites
• Get unreasonably excited about a $2 price drop
• If stars align and price is good, buy immediately!

But let's be real, when does that ever happen?

4. Stalk forever

• Set up more price alerts than I have contacts in my phone
• Keep watching content because clearly, I don't know enough yet
• Oscillate between:
  • Sticking with my choice
  • Doubting everything and starting over
  • Ping-ponging between different products
• Drive friends crazy talking about nothing but this product
• Everyone wonders when I'll buy it already (so do I)

5. Conclude (finally!)

• Option A: Decide I don't want it anymore. Feel relieved and stupid simultaneously.
• Option B (rare): Cave and buy at whatever price in a moment of weakness
• Experience brief joy, followed by regret about time wasted
• Sigh of relief... for about 5 seconds until I find a new product to obsess over.